At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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