how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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