I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Randomize
