So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
