i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
