Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
