Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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