if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
