he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
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In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
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If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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