Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I can't turn off my feet"
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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