Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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