Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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