I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Randomize