he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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