sorry about calling you the devil all night.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
where are my eyebrows?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
