I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
