i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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