I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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