I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
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