she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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