considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
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