After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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