I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
