I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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