You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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