Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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