I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
