New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
