honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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