I hate all girls vehemently.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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