It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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