also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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