: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
