So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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