Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
