Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
