someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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