so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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