the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Ladies don't puke and tell
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
