College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
