This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
it's great music for shaving your balls
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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