Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
