My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He? As in you personified your dick?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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