hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
false alarm, still single
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
