Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize