He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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