One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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