a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
