Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
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It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
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Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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