Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Randomize
