he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
