My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Randomize
