Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
My pussy is not your playground.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
