Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
