Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I did not marry a roomba.
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