ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
