who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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