He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
