have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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