so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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