My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
