how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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