Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
