well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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