So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
My vagina is officially offended.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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