They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
