Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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