apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Randomize
