I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
