So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
