I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
