i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
