I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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