The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
